I took blessings from Caru Candra Prabhu, North American sankirtana record
holder, and launched into my best, most enthused, book distribution session
that I can remember. For 30 minutes down in the home-base of the
Broadway-Lafayette subway station in New York City, I was in flow. It was
unmistakable. And then.... Krsna just pulled the plug.
Why, I could not understand. I did not see myself as particularly prideful
or independent-minded. I was grateful and happy to serve Srila Prabhupada in
a manner that is, frankly, so much nicer than I am accustomed. And I slowly
began to suffer more and more through the pain of rejection and my previous
successes. Was there such a thing as suffering without meaning in Krsna
Consciousness? I thought that was the difference between material and
spiritual suffering. But alas, I could not understand why Krsna was treating
me in this haphazard way. Krsnaaa! How can I approach people and be normal
when I can predict exactly what each one is going to say before he even
speaks a word? This is surely an unreasonable task.
After some time of trying to keep my mind together, my friend, Doyal
Gauranga Prabhu spontaneously showed up on the scene. When he asked me how I
was doing, I told him the truth, but somehow my tone had subtly shifted.
Bewilderment and frustration had turned to acceptance and realization. It
then occurred to me that for the last 45 minutes or so, I'd not really
minded the suffering. I'd somehow struck a pinch of liberation without my
even noticing! Delighted and enlivened, our conversation revealed to me how
Krsna was working on me, sculpting me determinedly, without even my
slightest awareness.
My results remained meager as before, but my consciousness cleaned up. This
was special mercy that I could not afford to take for granted in my present
state. Then suddenly, *again*, Krsna pulled the plug! Dissatisfaction began
to subtly seep through the cracks of my consciousness. And as it reached a
second-wind of crescendo, I called out with fervor, "Krsnaaa! No one wants
Your books out here! No one! What am I supposed to do? You can compel people
better than I. But You're not doing anything. Krsnaaa! Is this really what
You want?"
At that very moment, I approached a young bearded man with an air of
hipness. "Hey, I'm from Long Island, where are you from?"
"Alabama"
"We're just showing these books to nice folks. Check it out. It's a classic
of Eastern wisdom. You've heard of karma, right? What goes around comes
around. These ideas originate in this book. Thoreau and Emerson said this
book changed their lives, Gandhi said it gave him inspiration in his darkest
hour. I'm a monk, my name's Ari, what's yours?"
We spoke for but a moment before he exclaimed, "You know, I've been
looking for this."
He took a Gita and gave me a generous donation. As he walked into the train
that arrived on the platform, he turned to me slightly and said, "What
you're doing. it's not easy." He paused a moment. "Keep doing it."
And the train swept him away.
My jaw dropped, but there was no surprise in me. It's said in
sankirtana circles that if you perform the service for long enough,
you meet Krsna out there. It's unavoidable.
Your servant,
Bhakta Ari
(Text D:2261618) -------------------------------------------
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